This post grew out of a writing class assignment. We were asked to draw a map of my childhood neighborhood. Then we had to tell a story about it. What emerged was not a single story. It was an exploration of childhood, disability, and friendship. It also examined how we redraw our lives over time.
When I was drawing the map for class, I realized how small my world was. We were supposed to share a story about our neighborhood. However, I didn’t have any that came to mind. At least, not in the way the assignment intended. What came to mind instead was pain and heartache.
The sharp smell of pencil lead clung to my fingers as I traced the roads of my childhood. On the page, the map looked simple. Two gravel roads crossed like stitches. There was a handful of houses. The sagging fence line was where the horses would run and buck. But as I drew, the map whispered back something I hadn’t expected.
The map was small.
Not just in miles and landmarks, but in meaning. It made me realize how small and limited my world had been.
I rarely left home. The only times I did leave were to go to school or church (at least until I got confirmed). Occasionally, I went to the theater, the skating rink, or a cousin’s house for a sleepover. Those trips stopped once we hit junior high. I really interacted with neighbors only when we rode horses around the section.
Living in the country and having a disability made it difficult to have friends. The isolation wasn’t just about miles of gravel roads. It was about feeling cut off from the world of other kids. Even when classmates lived nearby, the distance between us felt bigger than geography. It was the distance of difference, of not quite fitting into their games, their rhythms, their conversations.
I remember when I was in school, there were only a few places I could sit during lunch. We had long, picnic-style tables, and because of the wheelchair, I was limited to the ends. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. So, I’d often pick the same table. It was the one closest to the end of the cafeteria line. It became its own quiet ritual — not quite belonging, not quite invisible, always on the edge of things.
Still, there were moments of connection that broke through.
One afternoon in first or second grade, I played baseball in the yard of the twin girls. They lived down the other country road and were also in my grade. I sat on the grass to make it easier to get around because wheelchairs and lawns don’t mix well. I don’t remember much else from that day. I recall the sun on our backs. There was a quiet sense of belonging, even if only for a moment.
I remember having a couple of my own friends over — both times because it was my birthday. The first time was in fifth grade when I “invited” the pastor’s son from church. He came over for a sleepover. I still shared a room with my sister then. That night, my mom decided it was time for my leg stretches. They usually forgot them but remembered at the worst moment. I was hopeful they’d skip it. But no. I lay there trying not to cry in front of my friend. My mom stretched my legs, sometimes painfully. He didn’t stay long the next morning. For my birthday, he gave me a black-and-white picture of a dragon to color in with markers. I think I colored it, though I don’t remember for sure.
Then there was the classmate who lived next door for a while. We’d been friends since kindergarten. We were the kind of friends who came and went as their family moved away. Then they came back, and after a while, moved away again. When they came back briefly in eighth grade, I remember trying harder. I made a point to talk with them and to help. It was a small act of making amends. I pulled away in fifth grade because I thought they were “cramping my style.”
The second birthday friend came when I was a senior in high school. We got out of school early one Friday. We wandered around downtown. This was a small thing to most people, but huge for me. I was so used to the school bus taking me straight home. We went to the Video Box. I rented my first R-rated movie because I was now eighteen. I think it was American Pie. My friend gave me a finger skateboard to assemble. It was a cool alternative. A real skateboard would’ve been too hard for me to use. I held onto it for years. Looking back, I realize he was probably one of the only “real” friends I had in high school.
These two friends? I haven’t spoken to them in years. If you tracked them down and asked, they might not remember the details. But I do.
Looking back, I see that while I often felt on the margins, I wasn’t as alone as I thought. Those small moments — a game of baseball, an awkward birthday sleepover, a walk downtown — were lifelines. They didn’t erase the loneliness, but they punctured it, leaving small but lasting marks. They taught me that connection doesn’t have to look like the movies or the friendships I envied. It can be quiet, brief, imperfect — and still matter.
And as much as the map of my childhood was small, the map of my adult life is much broader. I have a small core group of friends. There are fewer than a dozen of them. But they are the kind of people who show up when it matters.
When my last living grandma was dying of cancer, they were there. They helped with rides and supported me during the funeral. When my first service dog, Dempsey, was diagnosed with third-degree AV block, they ensured I got him to his vet. They made sure he attended his appointments. They also made sure that I ate. When he passed away unexpectedly, one of them drove nearly eight hours round-trip to bring me home from a camping trip in northern Minnesota.
Back then, I thought the boundaries of my world were fixed. I believed the small map I lived in was all I’d ever know. But maps, I’ve learned, can be redrawn.
My childhood map may have been small. However, my adult map is wide enough to hold friendship. It also encompasses grief, loyalty, and love. Sometimes, the best stories come from the places we outgrow. These stories also come from the people we learn to carry with us.
Author’s Note:
I share this piece with the hope it resonates. It is for anyone who has ever felt on the margins. Yet, they still found meaning in imperfect connections. It’s about small worlds, quiet resilience, and the way we carry the past as we grow into larger lives.
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