First, I want to wish everyone a happy Valentine’s Day. It is a day for love and lovers, whether you’ve been in a relationship for five days or fifty years. Love is in the air today.
A Personal Story
I have been in a committed relationship with the same person for over a decade. Our journey together has not been linear. We started as friends. We dated for a while. We broke up and then reconnected. Eventually, we moved in together when I could no longer afford my apartment. One day, something clicked in my mind, and I realized we were meant to be together.
From the start, we knew marriage was unlikely. It was not due to a fear of commitment or legal barriers—marriage equality is now the law of the land. Instead, it was because of an unfortunate and outdated reality that affects many disabled people in this country.
The Marriage Penalty
The reason we cannot marry is simple, yet infuriating. If we were to legally wed, I would risk losing medical and financial benefits. These benefits are crucial for my independent living. Programs like SSI (Supplemental Security Income), SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance), Medicaid, and Medicare enforce strict asset limits. These limits make it nearly impossible to save money. They also make it hard to earn a living wage.
SSI was established in the late 1970’s. It still enforces an asset limit of $2,000 for individuals. This limit is $3,000 for married couples. These limits have not been adjusted in nearly 50 years, despite inflation and rising living costs. According to an NPR report, the so-called ‘marriage penalty’ in Social Security’s Supplemental Security Income (SSI) program remains unchanged since 1989, despite rising costs of living. The outdated asset limits continue to force disabled individuals into difficult financial choices, penalizing them for marriage. (NPR, June 18, 2024)
The Unfair Choice
Would I love to marry the person I love? Yes. Would I also love to maintain the benefits that give me the independence to live my life? Absolutely. But under current laws, many disabled people who choose to marry face financial hardship. They constantly struggle to stay under the asset limits. Some even make the painful decision to divorce because the burden is simply too much to bear.
People often ask if this situation upsets me. The answer is an unequivocal yes. I want the same rights as every other person in this country. I am not looking to exploit the system. Instead, I want to live without fear. I worry that the person I love could be left without the legal rights and protections afforded to married couples. Without a medical power of attorney, my partner would have no say in my care. They would have no control over my affairs if something were to happen to me. That is not fair—to me, or to them.
The Need for Change
The system needs to change. Disabled people should be able to live with and marry the person they love without fear of losing essential benefits. Even in 2025, we are treated as second-class citizens under these rules. It is time for reform.
Think about your loved one as you celebrate this Valentine’s Day. Also, reflect on those who are still forced to hide their love. Some remain legally unmarried out of necessity. Love should not come with penalties—it should be celebrated and protected, equally, for all.