Wheels On Down the Road

Category: Life & Perspective

Personal experiences, reflections, accessibility topics, and disability advocacy.

  • Without A Phone: A Morning, a Coffee, and a Thoughtful Disconnection

    Without A Phone: A Morning, a Coffee, and a Thoughtful Disconnection

    Author’s note: I didn’t intend to write a digital detox think piece. Sometimes remembering how much we rely on our phones only requires forgetting them.

    Yesterday I met a friend for coffee. I was so focused on making sure I had everything we needed. I didn’t even realize I left my phone at home on the charger.

    It’s the second time in less than a week I have done it.

    The funny thing is I didn’t even realize I had done it yet again. I only noticed when I was three blocks away. I got a notification on my Apple Watch. It said, “Your phone has been left behind.”

    Classic.

    For a second, I considered turning around. There was the part of me who knew if I did, we were going to be late. Also it wasn’t like I didn’t have a way to get reach emergency services should there be an emergency.

    My Apple Watch has built-in cellular service. Thanks, sister, for insisting that I get it. All I would have to do is press a button on the watch, and it would immediately call 911.

    Still, it felt weird… like I was missing a limb.

    As I walked to the train, it hit me how deeply enmeshed phones are in our lives. In 2025, they’re no longer just for calling people.

    Actually, I can’t recall when I last had a full phone conversation. It was not with a doctor’s office or customer service. These days, we text, DM, post, scroll.

    Our phones are our GPS, music libraries, cameras, credit cards, and even IDs. They’re an extension of us, but maybe too much so.

    Life Before

    I’m old enough to remember a time before the regular use of cell phones. My parents got their first one in the mid-90’s. My aunt got one too, mostly because she was caring for my grandma and needed to stay reachable. Back then, minutes were a precious commodity. You didn’t just use your phone. You rationed it.

    I didn’t get my own phone until I was graduating high school. My mom joked about calling me during graduation to make sure my diploma was legit. I have forgotten what my number was back then. It’s somewhere in the ether with my high school locker combo.

    My First “Smart” Phone

    My first smartphone was an AT&T (HTC) Tilt—Windows Mobile, baby. I think got it on sale with a two contract, mostly for the novelty of “the internet” in my pocket. The iPhone had just launched, but it wasn’t in my budget.

    Fast forward a few years, and now I’m Team Apple for life.

    Rewired Society

    Don’t get me wrong smartphones are useful. I love being capable of writing blog posts like this one on the go. I can stream music and podcasts without juggling devices. I look up trivia mid-conversation like a know-it-all wizard. It’s convenience in my pocket.

    But… they’ve also rewired us. We’re always reachable, always plugged in. Our downtime is filled with a never-ending scroll of reels, tweets, memes, and 24/7 news updates.

    I’m as guilty as anyone. Give me five minutes. I’ll lose them to Facebook stories or Instagram reels I didn’t even mean to tap on.

    A Few Stats That Might Surprise You:

    Phone use is up—way up.

    According to Pew Research Center in 2024, 98% of Americans now own a cellphone. Over 91% of teens use theirs just to pass the time.

    Smartphone “addiction” is real.

    • 57% of Americans consider themselves addicted to their phones.
    • 3 in 4 feel uncomfortable without them.
    • 1 in 6 sleep with their phones.
    • Nearly half panic when the battery drops below 20%.

    We’re glued to our screens.

    Americans check their phones 144 times per day and spend an average of 4.5 hours daily on them; that’s up over 50% from just two years ago.

    And yet, they’re our lifeline.

    From music to maps, IDs to emergency access, they’re not just helpful they’ve become essential. For better or worse.

    Freeing Feeling

    Still, something about leaving my phone behind felt… freeing.

    For once, I was here in the moment. I noticed more. The way the early sun reflected off windows as I walked towards the train. The rustle of leaves. The quiet murmur of the city on a Saturday. 

    Sure, I had a few anxious thoughts. What if there’s an emergency? What if Lassie can’t text me that Timmy fell in the well?! But the world didn’t end.

    My Apple Watch, though less feature-packed, has my back. I can still get directions to the café. I can make a quick phone call if needed I check messages from people who matter. I even pay for coffee if I really wanted to. (Though using it for payments is still more awkward than helpful for me.)

    I’m not about to go full off-the-grid minimalist. But next time I forget my phone? I just might let it be. Sometimes, it’s worth being disconnected to reconnect with the world, with others, and with yourself.

    My challenge to you

    Try it. Leave your phone at home on purpose. Just once. Feel what it’s like to not have that constant pull in your pocket. You might be surprised at what you notice. And you’ll definitely survive.

    (Lassie, I trust, will find another way to reach you.)

  • Every Day, Not Just May: A Reflection on Mental Health Awareness

    Every Day, Not Just May: A Reflection on Mental Health Awareness

    Why We Need More Than a Month

    May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s a time when you’ll see posts, ribbons, infographics, and campaigns reminding us to check in on ourselves and others. And don’t get me wrong—that’s important. But mental health isn’t something we should only be aware of one month a year.

    It’s something we should acknowledge, support, and talk about every single day.

    My Mental Health Journey

    Mental health struggles don’t come with a calendar notification. They don’t wait until May to make themselves known. For some of us, they’re lifelong companions—sometimes silent, sometimes loud, sometimes manageable, sometimes utterly overwhelming.

    I’ve been living with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. But for years, I didn’t have a name for what I was feeling. I didn’t know that the heaviness, the racing thoughts, and the sudden and intense emotional dips weren’t just “personality quirks.” They were not something to tough out. I finally received the right diagnosis when I became an adult and sought professional help. More importantly, I got the right support. Medication and counseling made a world of difference for me. But even with treatment, mental health isn’t something that just gets “fixed.” It’s something I continue to manage, day by day.

    You Can’t Always See It

    Here’s the thing: you can’t always see it.

    People with mental health challenges often look “fine” on the outside. Smiling. Working. Cracking jokes. Showing up. We become masters of masking. We hide the pain, the fear, and the spiral. Society hasn’t always been kind to people who show those things. But just because someone looks okay doesn’t mean they are.

    Some days, I genuinely feel good. I feel steady, grounded, even joyful. Other days, something as small as a smell can affect me. A song or an old photo may send me down a dark tunnel I wasn’t expecting. It can take everything I have to claw my way back out.

    Coping Isn’t Always Healthy

    And let’s talk about coping mechanisms. I joke about my “coffee addiction”—and yes, my relationship with caffeine is a little… complicated. But beyond the laughs, I’ve also had a much more serious struggle with alcohol. For a while, I used it to cope. To numb. To silence the noise. But through therapy and intentional choices, I’ve worked hard to build a healthier relationship with alcohol. (Still working on the coffee one, though. Baby steps.)

    Why I’m Sharing This

    I’m not sharing this for pity. I’m sharing this because mental health is still so misunderstood, so stigmatized, and so often invisible. I want to be part of normalizing the conversation. Because the more we talk about it, the more we make space for people to feel less alone.

    So if you’re struggling right now—silently or not—please know you’re not alone. You matter. You deserve support. And there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help.

    Mental health awareness doesn’t end when May does.

    It’s an everyday thing. Let’s keep talking.

    Mental Health Resources

    If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health, please know that help is available. You are not alone.

    Emergency Help (24/7):

    • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org Free, confidential support for people in emotional distress or crisis.
    • Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741 Trained crisis counselors available anytime, anywhere in the U.S.
    • National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 thehotline.org

    Support for Specific Communities:

    Ongoing Mental Health Support:

  • Out of My Mind and Back Into My Memories

    Out of My Mind and Back Into My Memories

    Why This Story Hit So Hard

    About a month ago I watched the movie Out of My Mind on Disney+. Afterward, I decided to go back and read the book. I’m so glad I did. You know what they say books are always better than the movies.

    Even though I saw the movie a month ago, Sharon Draper’s words brought back memories. I hadn’t expected those memories to resurface. They still ache a little, even years later.

    Before I go any further, I want to be clear. These are my thoughts, my feelings, and my recollections of what happened. Memory is slippery. Emotions can tint the edges. So take what I say with a grain of salt. Know that this is how it felt to me. Sometimes that’s the most honest thing a person can offer.

    Melody’s Story, and Mine

    In the story, Melody is a brilliant girl with cerebral palsy. She uses a communication device, has a sharp wit, and knows more than most people give her credit for. A highly emotional moment in the book occurs when her classmates are selected for a big trip to Washington, D.C.

    Melody is supposed to go too. But things don’t go as planned. Melody doesn’t get to go. Reading that part felt like looking in a mirror.

    The Trip I Didn’t Get to Take

    When I was in seventh grade, my school organized a class trip to Washington, D.C. just like Melody’s. I was excited. Nervous. Hopeful. I pictured myself standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial. I imagined exploring the Smithsonian. I saw myself laughing with my classmates in a hotel room late at night. I imagined the memories we’d make, the stories I’d have to tell. But then came the catch.

    The school told me I couldn’t go unless one of my parents, or another adult, came along as my personal aide. They said it was about ensuring my safety and meeting any personal needs I might have during the trip. But here’s the thing: by that age, I could dress, bathe, feed, and toilet myself without assistance. The only support I might’ve needed was help navigating long distances. Someone could push my wheelchair when my stamina ran low from all the sightseeing. It wasn’t really about safety.

    It was about discomfort. Their discomfort. They didn’t want to figure out how to include a disabled student. They weren’t willing to make accommodations. And they certainly didn’t offer to help cover the cost of bringing someone to support me. So their solution? Exclude me instead.

    Much like Melody in the story, I was deeply disappointed. But disappointment was nothing new to me. I’d grown used to it whether it came from friends, family, or the world at large. I rarely showed it, because by then, I had learned to hold it in. I knew expressing it wouldn’t change anything.

    Still, I remember one conversation vividly. One evening, I was riding in the car with my aunt. I told her how much I wanted to go on that trip. I don’t remember where we were headed, but I remember the weight of wanting so badly to be included. She even talked about trying to help cover the cost, or going with to aid me, to make it possible.

    But in the end, it just wasn’t possible. My parents couldn’t afford the added expense. So that was it. No Washington, D.C. No trip. No adventure. Just me, left behind at school while my peers made memories without me.

    My class explored the nation’s capital while I stayed behind. I sat in a classroom with the small group of students who didn’t go. I felt forgotten. Left out. It felt unfair. I had wanted that experience so badly. I wanted to be part of the stories they’d tell when they came home. I didn’t want to be the kid they left behind.

    Bitterness and Bucket Lists

    Even now, nearly 30 years later, it still leaves a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. I still haven’t made it to Washington, D.C. But it’s on my bucket list. When I finally get there, I’ll be standing tall. You better believe I’ll be giving a big, proud, proverbial middle finger to every staff member. This is for every teacher who once thought I didn’t belong. Because guess what? I made it anyway.

    Melody’s Story Is Our Story

    Reading Out of My Mind brought all of that back. Melody’s story isn’t just hers. It belongs to many of us. We have had to fight just to be included. Others take these things for granted. Her heartbreak is our heartbreak. But so is her strength, her wit, and her refusal to be underestimated.

    That’s the power of stories like this one. They don’t just show the world as it is they help us imagine the world as it should be.

    A World Where Everyone Belongs

    I believe in that world. One where we don’t put conditions on belonging. One where we assume competence instead of questioning it. One where disabled children aren’t left behind because adults decided their inclusion was too inconvenient or too expensive.

    If you haven’t read Out of My Mind, I encourage you to. Yes, it’s a work of fiction. However, it captures something deeply real. It portrays the inner life of a young person who is so often spoken about instead of spoken to. Melody’s voice may be artificial in the technical sense, but her story rings powerfully human.

    Let’s build a world where no one has to prove they deserve to be part of the story.

    Let’s listen.

    Let’s include.

    And let’s never stop imagining, and creating, a better way forward.

  • From Poster Child to Invisible Adult

    From Poster Child to Invisible Adult

    Growing Up Disabled in a World Obsessed with Cute

    When I was a kid, people thought I was adorable. I had chubby cheeks, a bright smile, and Cerebral Palsy.

    That last part, my disability, somehow made me even more “inspiring” in the eyes of strangers. I was the kind of kid who showed up in brochures for community events. I got extra attention from teachers and therapists. I drew “Aww”s and “God bless him”s at the grocery store.

    A young boy with curly hair and large glasses smiling brightly at the camera, wearing a yellow and black striped collared shirt with a yellow boutonnière pinned to it.
    Me at my most joyful—missing teeth, oversized glasses, and a smile bigger than my face. The kind of photo people loved to “aww” over.

    Disabled kids are cute. Society loves a feel-good story, especially one that comes in a pint-sized package with leg braces and a cheeky grin.

    But here’s the thing: I grew up.

    And when I did, the attention disappeared.

    I’m 41 now. Still disabled. Still Cerebral Palsy. Still me. But somewhere along the way, I stopped being cute. And in the eyes of the world, I stopped being seen.

    Adult man with curly hair wearing clear glasses, a gray hoodie, and a denim vest, sitting indoors and smiling slightly in a well-lit coffee shop.
    The same person you saw in the childhood photos. Different glasses, different decade. Same Cerebral Palsy. Same me.

    The “Cute Factor” and Conditional Compassion

    We follow a cultural script with disabled kids. We shower them with support, attention, and affection. This continues as long as they remain children. The moment they grow into adulthood, that same compassion starts to dry up. Public programs disappear. Services shrink. Opportunities narrow. Even social attitudes shift from admiration to discomfort, from celebration to suspicion.

    As a child, I had access to therapies, educational supports, and community resources. There were coordinated efforts to help me grow, thrive, and participate. But as I got older, it felt like the message became: Well, good luck now you are on your own.

    I went from being someone people wanted to help… to someone people tried not to make eye contact with.

    The Adult Disability Cliff

    This isn’t just my story. This situation is a systemic reality known in advocacy circles as the services cliff. The support sharply drops off when a disabled person ages out of pediatric care. It also decreases when they leave school-based programs or children’s nonprofit funding.

    We don’t talk about this enough. Adults with disabilities face higher rates of poverty, unemployment, isolation, and inadequate healthcare. But we rarely make the news unless we’re breaking Paralympic records or fighting for survival in a viral video.

    Why? Because disabled adults don’t make people feel warm and fuzzy in the same way disabled kids do. We complicate the narrative. We ask harder questions. We don’t fit into feel-good stories with easy endings.

    Kids vs. Adults

    As a Child with a DisabilityAs an Adult with a Disability
    School-based physical, occupational, and speech therapyTherapy often not covered or comes with strict insurance limitations
    Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) with legal accountabilityNo IEPs for college or jobs—just ADA “reasonable accommodations”
    Access to special education teachers and support staffLimited access to job coaches; shrinking supported employment resources
    Pediatricians and specialist trained in children with disabilitiesFewer adult physicians familiar with complex disability care
    Early intervention programs (birth–age 3)Virtually no equivalent early adult transition support
    Summer camps, social groups, and extracurricular inclusion programsSocial isolation is common; few adult-focused adaptive recreation spaces
    Case managers to help coordinate servicesAdults often navigate a confusing system alone
    Parent advocates built into the systemAdults are expected to self-advocate
    Medicaid waivers often easier to access for minorsAdult services require complex eligibility and waitlists
    Positive visibility in media and fundraisersAdults rarely portrayed unless overcoming “against all odds”

    The shift is more than inconvenient; it’s structural. We build systems around disabled children to help them grow. Then we tear those systems down just when adulthood starts demanding more from us: jobs, independence, healthcare navigation, stable housing.

    The message? “You’re on your own now.”

    From Three Times a Week to Barely At All

    When I was a kid, I went to physical therapy three times a week.

    I’ll be honest—I wasn’t a huge fan of it at the time. I was a kid. I didn’t want to stretch or do strength exercises. I wanted to be outside or reading or literally anywhere else. But looking back, I realize just how lucky I was.

    Those sessions helped me build strength, coordination, and confidence. They gave me tools to move through the world.

    Now, as an adult? I can count the number of PT sessions I’ve had in the past ten years on both hands.

    It’s not that I stopped needing physical therapy. Cerebral Palsy didn’t magically go away when I turned 18. But getting PT as an adult is a whole different game. There has to be a specific reason or goal that meets insurance criteria. It’s not about maintaining mobility. It’s about justifying the expense.

    Even when you do qualify, you’re often limited to a small number of sessions. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. Never mind if your muscles get tighter again, or if your mobility starts slipping. There’s no regular check-in. No ongoing plan. Just a shrug and off you go.

    I get that insurance companies want to save money. But regular PT for adults isn’t just about recovery it’s about maintenance. It’s about keeping people functioning and independent for as long as possible.

    I’ll be the first to admit it’s not always easy to schedule therapy sessions as an adult. I remember when I was taking classes in Hutchinson. Just finding time between classes and homework to go to PT was a challenge.

    Now, I have to fight for every step literally and figuratively.

    The Economic Angle: Preventative Care Saves Money

    What gets overlooked in all this is how short-sighted the system is. Ongoing PT and accessible health support aren’t just about comfort they’re about prevention. If adults with mobility disabilities had regular maintenance care, many could avoid injuries. Falls, surgeries, and hospital stays could also be avoided later.

    But instead of investing a little now, we let people deteriorate, and then spend far more reacting to preventable problems. It’s penny-wise and pound-foolish. And people like me pay the price with our bodies.

    The Emotional Cost: Losing Visibility

    There’s a strange grief in realizing you once mattered more to the world.

    As a child, I had a whole team cheering me on therapists, teachers, volunteers, neighbors. Now, I’m often just trying to prove I deserve the bare minimum. It’s not just about services. It’s about dignity. About being seen.

    When I was younger, people called me brave. Now, they call me an expense.

    Still Here. Still Worthy.

    I’ve included a photos. Me as a child, me as an adult. The disability in both pictures is the same. The person? Still me.

    A young boy with curly hair smiles at the camera
    At a young age I knew I was cute and I knew how to use it.
    Adult man with curly hair, wearing sunglasses and a dark gray shirt, smiling outside in front of a tall building under a clear blue sky.
    Still disabled. Still smiling. Just taller now—and with fewer people calling it “brave.”

    But the world doesn’t treat those two versions of me the same way.

    This isn’t a plea for pity or applause. It’s a call to remember that disabled children become disabled adults. We don’t stop needing support, visibility, and respect just because we’ve aged out of a marketing campaign.

    The cute kid didn’t disappear. He just grew up.

    And he still matters.

  • Where I Write: My Favorite Coffee Shops for Creativity and Caffeine

    I love sitting in local coffee shops to write. I’m fortunate to have so many great spots within walking distance of my home. Each spot has its own vibe. Each has a reason for becoming a favorite. Here are just a few that come to mind, in no particular order.

    Caribou Coffee on 11th & Nicollet Mall

    I’ve loved Caribou for as long as I can remember, even before I drank coffee myself. A longtime friend was once a VP at Caribou. They would occasionally leave coffee gifts on my aunts’ doorsteps. The brand has always felt familiar.

    What I love about this location is its convenience — just a few blocks from home. The huge windows flood the space with natural light, perfect for people-watching along the street and sidewalk. In the summer, I love sitting outside with a cool drink. If the patio is full, I wander across the street to Peavey Plaza and grab a bench.

    Caribou’s drinks are always my top pick. Their milk chocolate syrup is smoother than most, even compared to others on this list. My go-to drink depends on the weather. I choose a milk chocolate mocha in winter. In summer, I prefer a plain iced crafted press. Before they introduced the crafted press, I’d order an iced mocha without whip.

    Corner Coffee on 9th & Nicollet Mall

    This corner has seen many coffee shop incarnations. There has been a Starbucks, Dunn Bros, and a tea and matcha place. Now it’s Corner Coffee, and I couldn’t be happier. When it opened in spring 2024, I was eager to try it. I love discovering new places!

    The vibe here is cozy and inviting, and I always feel at home working on a project. My go-to drink is a latte, regardless of the season. As for food, it’s a toss-up between their pastries and the fruit pies they often stock.

    Starbucks in the IDS Crystal Court

    I don’t visit this Starbucks as much in the warmer months. It’s a perfect winter retreat since it’s connected to the downtown skyway system. There’s no need to brave the cold! One detail I really appreciate: they have a table clearly labeled for people with mobility aids like mine. In fact, I wrote about that in one of my very first blog posts.

    Mocha Momma’s Coffee on 3rd & Nicollet Mall

    This gem is tucked inside the central public library. I first discovered it when I went to pick up a library hold. Like many downtown spaces, it’s been home to different shops over the years. However, Mocha Momma’s has quickly become a favorite.

    The atmosphere feels personal and welcoming — it seems to be run by just one person, who greets everyone warmly. There’s a great variety of drinks (including affogato — vanilla ice cream drowned in espresso!), and the apple fritters are incredible.

    A funny moment: recently, I was so engrossed in writing that I didn’t hear the closing announcement. Thankfully, the owner kindly let me finish my thought before gently nudging me out.

    These coffee shops are where I can sit, relax, and dive into my latest writing project. I feel so lucky to have all these options nearby. However, I wish my wallet loved them as much as I do!

    Do you have a favorite coffee shop where you love to read, write, or just relax? I’m always looking for new spots to explore! Drop your recommendations in the comments. I’d love to hear about your favorite places to fuel your creativity. I’m also interested in where you satisfy your caffeine cravings.

  • Redrawing the Map

    Redrawing the Map

    This post grew out of a writing class assignment. We were asked to draw a map of my childhood neighborhood. Then we had to tell a story about it. What emerged was not a single story. It was an exploration of childhood, disability, and friendship. It also examined how we redraw our lives over time.

    When I was drawing the map for class, I realized how small my world was. We were supposed to share a story about our neighborhood. However, I didn’t have any that came to mind. At least, not in the way the assignment intended. What came to mind instead was pain and heartache.

    The sharp smell of pencil lead clung to my fingers as I traced the roads of my childhood. On the page, the map looked simple. Two gravel roads crossed like stitches. There was a handful of houses. The sagging fence line was where the horses would run and buck. But as I drew, the map whispered back something I hadn’t expected.

    The map was small.

    Not just in miles and landmarks, but in meaning. It made me realize how small and limited my world had been.

    I rarely left home. The only times I did leave were to go to school or church (at least until I got confirmed). Occasionally, I went to the theater, the skating rink, or a cousin’s house for a sleepover. Those trips stopped once we hit junior high. I really interacted with neighbors only when we rode horses around the section.

    Living in the country and having a disability made it difficult to have friends. The isolation wasn’t just about miles of gravel roads. It was about feeling cut off from the world of other kids. Even when classmates lived nearby, the distance between us felt bigger than geography. It was the distance of difference, of not quite fitting into their games, their rhythms, their conversations.

    I remember when I was in school, there were only a few places I could sit during lunch. We had long, picnic-style tables, and because of the wheelchair, I was limited to the ends. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. So, I’d often pick the same table. It was the one closest to the end of the cafeteria line. It became its own quiet ritual — not quite belonging, not quite invisible, always on the edge of things.

    Still, there were moments of connection that broke through.

    One afternoon in first or second grade, I played baseball in the yard of the twin girls. They lived down the other country road and were also in my grade. I sat on the grass to make it easier to get around because wheelchairs and lawns don’t mix well. I don’t remember much else from that day. I recall the sun on our backs. There was a quiet sense of belonging, even if only for a moment.

    I remember having a couple of my own friends over — both times because it was my birthday. The first time was in fifth grade when I “invited” the pastor’s son from church. He came over for a sleepover. I still shared a room with my sister then. That night, my mom decided it was time for my leg stretches. They usually forgot them but remembered at the worst moment. I was hopeful they’d skip it. But no. I lay there trying not to cry in front of my friend. My mom stretched my legs, sometimes painfully. He didn’t stay long the next morning. For my birthday, he gave me a black-and-white picture of a dragon to color in with markers. I think I colored it, though I don’t remember for sure.

    Then there was the classmate who lived next door for a while. We’d been friends since kindergarten. We were the kind of friends who came and went as their family moved away. Then they came back, and after a while, moved away again. When they came back briefly in eighth grade, I remember trying harder. I made a point to talk with them and to help. It was a small act of making amends. I pulled away in fifth grade because I thought they were “cramping my style.”

    The second birthday friend came when I was a senior in high school. We got out of school early one Friday. We wandered around downtown. This was a small thing to most people, but huge for me. I was so used to the school bus taking me straight home. We went to the Video Box. I rented my first R-rated movie because I was now eighteen. I think it was American Pie. My friend gave me a finger skateboard to assemble. It was a cool alternative. A real skateboard would’ve been too hard for me to use. I held onto it for years. Looking back, I realize he was probably one of the only “real” friends I had in high school.

    These two friends? I haven’t spoken to them in years. If you tracked them down and asked, they might not remember the details. But I do.

    Looking back, I see that while I often felt on the margins, I wasn’t as alone as I thought. Those small moments — a game of baseball, an awkward birthday sleepover, a walk downtown — were lifelines. They didn’t erase the loneliness, but they punctured it, leaving small but lasting marks. They taught me that connection doesn’t have to look like the movies or the friendships I envied. It can be quiet, brief, imperfect — and still matter.

    And as much as the map of my childhood was small, the map of my adult life is much broader. I have a small core group of friends. There are fewer than a dozen of them. But they are the kind of people who show up when it matters.

    When my last living grandma was dying of cancer, they were there. They helped with rides and supported me during the funeral. When my first service dog, Dempsey, was diagnosed with third-degree AV block, they ensured I got him to his vet. They made sure he attended his appointments. They also made sure that I ate. When he passed away unexpectedly, one of them drove nearly eight hours round-trip to bring me home from a camping trip in northern Minnesota.

    Back then, I thought the boundaries of my world were fixed. I believed the small map I lived in was all I’d ever know. But maps, I’ve learned, can be redrawn.

    My childhood map may have been small. However, my adult map is wide enough to hold friendship. It also encompasses grief, loyalty, and love. Sometimes, the best stories come from the places we outgrow. These stories also come from the people we learn to carry with us.

    Author’s Note:
    I share this piece with the hope it resonates. It is for anyone who has ever felt on the margins. Yet, they still found meaning in imperfect connections. It’s about small worlds, quiet resilience, and the way we carry the past as we grow into larger lives.

  • The Story of Me: A Life in Songs

    A few months ago, I shared on Facebook about my dream band. I am not the lead singer. Instead, I am the mastermind behind an all-star lineup of incredible musicians. I also created a set list: a musical journey through my life.

    Since then, the idea has evolved. Some songs have shifted. Some meanings have deepened. I found myself wanting to explore more deeply why I chose each song. This blog post is my way of expanding that original idea into something fuller, something truer.

    This isn’t just a collection of songs I like—although, yes, I love every single one. These are songs that shaped me, challenged me, lifted me up, and made me who I am today. They are the soundtrack to every twist, turn, heartbreak, and triumph.

    These songs aren’t always ones I heard at the exact moment something happened in my life. Some came later, after the dust settled. Some found me when I didn’t even know I was looking. But each song helps me tell a part of my story. Each one shines a light on a chapter I lived—the good, the hard, the unforgettable. This is The Story of Me.

    Act 1: Roots and Dreams

    “Heartland” – George Strait

    Selected Lyric:

    “When you hear twin fiddles and a steel guitar, you’re listening to the sound of the American heart.”

    Reflection: Growing up, “Heartland” was always playing in the background of my life. It was not just a song, but also a feeling. My mom was a huge George Strait fan. She loved this song. I can’t even count how many times we watched the George Strait movie Pure Country together. It became part of the fabric of our home.

    This song speaks to my roots on the hobby farm in Minnesota. My childhood was shaped by open fields, hardworking days, and country values. I live in the city now. Whenever I hear this song, it takes me straight back to that life. It was simpler and more rugged. It’s a piece of home, stitched into the soundtrack of my story.

    “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” – Brooks & Dunn

    Selected Lyric:

    “Out in the country past the city limits sign, well there’s a honky-tonk near the county line.”

    Reflection: Whenever I hear “Boot Scootin’ Boogie,” I can’t help but smile — and I definitely can’t sit still.

    This song brings me back to trail rides, when the organizers would throw dances that felt like pure magic. I recall being out on the dance floor with our longtime friend Rita. She never once cared that I used a chair.

    We danced, we twirled, and we laughed until it felt like we could float. Rita’s smile was as much a part of the dance as the music itself.

    Even today, when this song pops up on a playlist, I can’t help but move a little. It sneaks onto the radio and I can’t resist it. For a moment, I’m right back there, boot scootin’ through a night full of freedom and joy.

    “Should’ve Been a Cowboy” – Toby Keith

    Selected Lyric:

    “I should’ve been a cowboy, I should’ve learned to rope and ride.”

    Reflection: Despite the wheelchair and my disability, part of me always dreamed of being a cowboy.

    Maybe it sounds silly. When you grow up on a farm surrounded by horses, animals, and wide skies, the dream just seeps into you. It becomes a part of your very being.

    “Should’ve Been a Cowboy” captures that longing. It represents the fantasy of freedom and adventure. It embodies a life lived on your own terms.

    It’s a song I also heard often at trail ride dances. It links it forever to memories of dusty boots. I remember late nights and a few wild spins around the dance floor.

    Even if I never got to ride off into the sunset, this song keeps that dream alive in me. It remains where it belongs.

    “Wide Open Spaces” – The Chicks

    Selected Lyric:

    “She needs wide open spaces, room to make her big mistakes.”

    Reflection: “Wide Open Spaces” is about growing up — about realizing you need more than the world you were given.

    When I graduated high school in 2002, my parents were understandably nervous. Their little boy was in a wheelchair. He had big dreams and an even bigger heart. He was stepping out into a world they couldn’t protect him from.

    At first, Hutchinson, Minnesota, was my stop. I knew almost immediately that it wasn’t where I was meant to land.

    I needed Minneapolis.

    The big city wasn’t just exciting — it was necessary. It was the place where I could finally begin to find myself. I was a queer person still wrestling with coming out. I was also a disabled person searching for real opportunity.

    This song became an anthem for that ache. It symbolized the hunger to live a life too big for the fences around me.

    “Heads Carolina, Tails California” – Jo Dee Messina

    Selected Lyric:

    “Heads Carolina, tails California, somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.”

    Reflection: “Heads Carolina, Tails California” fits into my story alongside “Wide Open Spaces”.

    It’s the other side of the same dream: the impulsive, wide-eyed yearning for more.

    “Wide Open Spaces” was the heavy ache of leaving. This song embodies the giddy hope. Somewhere — anywhere — could be the place where life would finally open up for me.

    It’s about grabbing freedom by the hand. You flip a coin. Trust that wherever you land, it will be yours to claim.

    Act 2: Searching and Struggling

    “Iris” – Goo Goo Dolls

    Selected Lyric:

    “I don’t want the world to see me, ’cause I don’t think that they’d understand.”

    Reflection: “Iris” captures a part of my story. It was heavy and complicated. It involved the long and messy process of starting to figure out who I really was.

    There was so much fear tangled up in that discovery.

    I didn’t want the world to see me, because deep down, I didn’t believe they would understand.

    People often struggle to see disabled people fully — to recognize us as complex, whole, feeling humans.

    They struggle even more to see queer disabled people.

    This song had the aching vocals and the haunting rhythm. It became a place where I could sink down into my feelings. I could be fully honest with myself about the isolation and the yearning.

    There was a stubborn, shining hope that somehow, someday, someone would understand.

    “Fast Car” – Tracy Chapman

    Selected Lyric:

    “You got a fast car, I want a ticket to anywhere.”

    Reflection: “Fast Car” is about leaving the past behind. It is not about forgetting it or pretending it didn’t shape you. It is about choosing to move through the sticky, painful parts toward something better.

    It’s about believing in the possibility of more, even when everything you know is pulling you backward.

    This song became part of my story. There have been so many times I wanted — needed — to keep moving forward. I had to believe that something better was just down the road.

    It’s the soundtrack of resilience. It embodies stubborn hope. It represents not giving up on yourself even when the past tries to anchor you in place.

    “I’m Alright” – Jo Dee Messina

    Selected Lyric:

    “It’s a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight. So I guess I’m doin’ alright.”

    Reflection: There was a stretch of time in my life when everything felt heavy.

    I came out to my parents. It didn’t happen the way I had hoped. The experience caused a lot of hurt feelings, tears, and anguish on all sides.

    Around that same time, I also lost my Grandma Dokken. Watching her slowly slip away because of Alzheimer’s was devastating. It was even harder. My relationship with my other grandmother had always been strained by complicated family dynamics. This made the loss of Grandma Dokken cut even deeper.

    After all of that heartache, I came to a realization:

    I had gone through hard things.

    I had felt pain that hollowed me out.

    And still — I was going to be alright.

    This song became a quiet promise to myself.

    Not because everything was perfect.

    But because I was still standing.

    “Gravity” – Sara Bareilles

    Selected Lyric:

    “Set me free, leave me be, I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.”

    Reflection: Sara Bareilles originally wrote “Gravity” about a relationship. However, the song took on an entirely different meaning for me.

    For me, it became a conversation with my depression and anxiety. This was an invisible and relentless force. It always seemed to pull me back down into the depths of myself.

    It’s that painful tug you feel even when you’re trying so hard to move forward.

    It’s the exhaustion of fighting to stay afloat.

    This song became a mirror for that struggle — that exhausting, tender plea to my own mind: Let me go. Let me breathe. Let me be free.

    It’s not just sad; it’s truthful. It reminds me that even in the middle of that pull, I am aware. I am fighting. I am still here.

    “Angel” – Ellis Delaney

    Selected Lyric:

    “I need a little company, all I need is a pat on the back.”

    Reflection: Throughout my life, there have been so many moments when I’ve felt adrift. I was alone in the world. I was hanging on by a thread.

    “Angel” captures that ache perfectly. It conveys the quiet, desperate hope that someone might reach out, take my hand, and just be there.

    It’s not about needing someone to fix everything.

    It’s about needing a little company and a little comfort. It’s also a reminder that the path is mine alone to walk. However, I don’t have to walk it completely alone.

    Whenever I hear this song, it brings me back to those hard moments. It reminds me that it’s okay to need others. It’s okay to reach for connection. It’s okay to ask for an angel when the night feels too heavy.

    Act 3: Loyalty, Loss, and Love

    “Ride” – Amanda Marshall

    Selected Lyric:

    “If you’re out of inspiration, all you feel is desperation. Consider this an invitation — I’ll be your ride.”

    Reflection: College was where I found some of the best people I’ve ever known.

    Even 20 years later, we’re still connected — not just in memories, but in life.

    They’ve blessed me with the honor of being godfather to one of their children. This gift still humbles me beyond words.

    These friends are my ride-or-die crew. They are the ones I would drop everything for, without a second thought. I know they would do the same for me.

    “Ride” perfectly captures that spirit. It embodies the fierce loyalty. It reflects the deep-rooted love. The unspoken promise holds that no matter where life takes us, we’re riding it together.

    “When It Don’t Come Easy” – Keri Noble

    Selected Lyric:

    “But if you break down, I’ll drive out and find you.”

    Reflection: “When It Don’t Come Easy” is a quieter promise, but no less fierce.

    Over the years, I’ve had friendships that have weathered storms — real storms, the kind you don’t walk through unscathed.

    We’ve stood by each other during our lowest, messiest, most broken moments.

    This song is my way of saying:

    I got you.

    When things fall apart, I’ll come looking for you. When it feels like you can’t take another step, I’ll be the one who finds you.

    I’ll bring you home.

    No judgment, no expectations — just love.

    This song reminds me that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for someone is simply stay.

    “Beat You There” – Will Dempsey

    Selected Lyric:

    “Don’t cry for me, I’m alright. I’m better than you know.”

    Reflection: “Beat You There” cuts deep into my story.

    I found this song not long after Dempsey — my first service dog, my companion, my constant — passed away.

    That loss tore a hole in me.

    Finding this song gave me something to hold onto during that time. Hearing Will Dempsey sing about love, loss, and the bittersweet promise of reunion provided comfort.

    It felt like Dempsey’s spirit was speaking back to me somehow. This was not just because of the name. It was because of the deep, aching truth woven into every word.

    “Beat You There” isn’t just about grief.

    It’s about remembrance, loyalty, and hope. We hold the hope that wherever our loved ones go, we will meet them again someday.

    Whenever I hear this song, I imagine raising a glass in a quiet toast:

    You beat me there. But one day, I’ll see you again.

    Act 4: Becoming

    “Wonder” – Natalie Merchant

    Selected Lyric:

    “They say I must be one of the wonders, God’s own creation.”

    Reflection: Growing up, people doubted my ability.

    Hell, even now — at 41 years old — people still doubt my ability.

    “Wonder” resonates with that feeling deeply.

    It’s not a song of anger or resentment.

    It’s a quiet, unshakable declaration: I am here. I am whole. I am wondrous, whether you see it or not.

    This song reminds me that I don’t have to fit anyone’s idea of what “ability” should be. I define what “success” should look like.

    I exist. I thrive.

    And in that, I am a wonder.

    “Days Like These” – Janis Ian

    Selected Lyric:

    “When the one thing left is the blessing of my dreams, I can make my peace with days like these.”

    Reflection: My aunt introduced me to Janis Ian when I was in college.

    I was initially attracted to the faster songs. These included those with driving rhythms like “God and the FBI.”

    But over time, “Days Like These” started to hit differently.

    It’s a quieter song, but it carries a heavy, beautiful truth:

    After all the struggle, all the loss, and all the hardship, the blessing of my dreams is enough. I have endured a lot. If I still have the people I love, then it’s enough.

    It’s not about pretending life is easy.

    It’s about recognizing that even on the hard days, especially on those challenging days, there’s still something strong and sacred. It’s worth holding onto these things.

    This song reminds me that survival isn’t just about getting through. It’s about carrying your dreams forward. This is true even when the skies stay dry a little too long.

    “Hometown” – Brandon Stansell

    Selected Lyric:

    “I should say thank you, ’cause now I finally know who I really am.”

    Reflection: Growing up in rural Minnesota was hard.

    There were so many things that made me feel alone. The small-town expectations were overwhelming. There were also the unspoken judgments. No matter how much I tried, I felt I would never quite fit into the mold laid out for me.

    But “Hometown” reminds me of the hard conversations and the quiet heartaches. Even through all of that, my hometown shaped me.

    It made me strong.

    It gave me the roots I needed, even if it took leaving to figure that out.

    I can’t change the past.

    And that’s okay.

    Now I know exactly who I am. It is not in spite of where I came from, but in some ways because of it.

    “Invisible” – Hunter Hayes

    Selected Lyric:

    “There’s so much more to life than what you’re feeling now.”

    Reflection: “Invisible” is the song I would sing to my younger self. I would sing it to the queer kid who felt unseen. They felt misunderstood and out of place.

    It’s also the song I would sing for every young person struggling to find their way. They are struggling to believe that they matter.

    Growing up, it often felt like I was invisible. It felt like who I was deep down didn’t fit into the world around me. Maybe it never would.

    This song is a promise:

    It will get better.

    You are seen.

    There’s so much more waiting for you beyond the smallness of this moment.

    You are not broken.

    You are not alone.

    You are not invisible.

    “Brave” – Sara Bareilles

    Selected Lyric:

    “Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.”

    Reflection: “Brave” is about finally finding the courage to say what you need to say.

    It’s about stepping into the space you were once too afraid to claim.

    For so long, fear kept me quiet. I was afraid of being misunderstood. I feared being judged. I worried about being too much or not enough.

    But bravery doesn’t mean you’re not scared.

    It means you speak anyway.

    This song reminds me — and challenges me — to keep choosing honesty, even when it’s hard.

    It’s an anthem for every moment I opened my mouth. I spoke my truth. I took one more step toward being fully, unapologetically myself.

    “Soar” – Christina Aguilera

    Selected Lyric:

    “Don’t be scared to fly alone. Find a path that is your own.”

    Reflection: “Soar” lives in the same spirit as “Brave”:

    It’s about stepping into who you are without apology.

    It’s about refusing to shrink, refusing to bend yourself to fit the world’s expectations.

    This song reminds me that bravery isn’t just about speaking your truth. It’s about living it. This is true even when the path feels lonely.

    “Soar” is the reminder that the world is mine to claim. I don’t have to wait for permission to build a life that feels true.

    It’s not about becoming someone else.

    It’s about finding — and loving — the person I’ve always been meant to be.

    “This Is Me” – Keala Settle (The Greatest Showman)

    Selected Lyric:

    “I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be. This is me.”

    Reflection: “This Is Me” is the culmination of everything I’ve lived, everything I’ve fought through, everything I’ve become.

    It’s the moment I finally stand up and say:

    This is who I am.

    If you don’t like it, I don’t care.

    I’ve spent enough of my life shrinking, apologizing, trying to fit where I was never meant to fit.

    Now, I choose to take up space.

    Now, I choose to be seen.

    Bruised, brave, whole — exactly as I am.

    Encore

    “Gently We Row” – Melissa Etheridge

    Selected Lyric:

    “Slow, slow, this river is slow. We’re all out here on our own. Row, row, gently we row. One day we’ll find our way home.”

    Reflection: If there’s a final note to this story, it’s “Gently We Row.”

    Life isn’t a race.

    It’s not about having all the answers.

    It’s about moving forward, one step at a time. Take each moment as it comes. Do the best you can with what you have.

    This song reminds me that none of us really know exactly where we’re headed, and that’s okay.

    It’s okay to stumble.

    It’s okay to search.

    It’s okay to dream.

    What matters is that we keep rowing gently. We do so determinedly through the slow, winding river of life. We trust that someday, somehow, we’ll find our way home.

    And maybe the real magic isn’t in the finding.

    Maybe it’s in the rowing itself.

    Final Invitation

    Music tells a story. This one is mine.

    If you’ve never heard some of these songs or artists before, I encourage you to check them out. You might discover new music you love—and maybe, through that music, a little piece of who I am.

    Want to hear the full soundtrack?

    You can listen right here:

    What songs would be on your life’s soundtrack? I’d love to hear your set list. Drop it in the comments below!

  • More Than Qualified, Still Overlooked: One Disabled Worker’s Truth

    The Harsh Reality of Disability and Employment

    Finding a job is hard. Finding one as a person with a disability? Often twice as hard—and half as fair.

    Despite decades of progress, people with disabilities still face enormous hurdles in the workforce. From inaccessible interviews to discrimination that’s harder to prove than to feel, the disability employment gap remains stubbornly wide. As of 2024, only about 22.5% of people with disabilities are employed, compared to 65.8% of non-disabled people, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. And now, with looming threats to Social Security programs, the urgency to find stable, fulfilling work is greater than ever.

    Balancing Purpose and Pay

    I have been looking for more financially stable work for quite some time. I love what I do right now. However, I need something more reliable regarding the amount of money I can bring in.

    I am also looking for jobs that will feed my soul. They should not drain my emotional and physical energy. I know that might seem like taking the easy way out. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that being in draining positions harms my overall well-being.

    Many people with disabilities face the same struggle. They try to balance physical or mental health needs with the demand for financial stability. It’s not just about wanting a job. It’s about finding one that doesn’t push you past your limits.

    A 2022 study by Accenture found a significant correlation. Companies that embraced disability inclusion were twice as likely to outperform their peers in profitability. They also had improved productivity. Yet, many of us never get the chance to show what we can do.

    Living on the Edge of Uncertainty

    I am in a rather unique situation. I do receive SSDI. This allows me to be more selective about the work I do. I am also aware of the changes the current administration is trying to make to Social Security.

    You should look for alternate sources of income. This is important in case there is a stoppage in the SSDI checks you receive. According to the Social Security Administration’s 2024 Trustees Report, the trust fund is projected to be depleted by 2033. Reforms are necessary to avoid depletion.

    The Job Search: A Loop of Silence and Rejection

    In the past six months, I have submitted countless applications. Most of the time, I don’t hear anything back. Then there are rare instances where I get to interview. I don’t know if I suck at the interview process. I don’t know if it’s because I am a wheelchair user. Maybe it’s because I have a service dog. Usually, after that first interview, I get the dreaded response. It says: “After careful consideration, we have decided to move forward with other candidates.” Their experience more closely aligns with our current needs.

    Statistically, this kind of experience isn’t unusual. According to the National Organization on Disability, many employers still have biases. They also have inaccessible workplaces and a lack of inclusive practices. These conditions make it harder for disabled applicants to be hired or promoted. These invisible barriers reinforce the frustrating reality many disabled job seekers face. You can be qualified, capable, and enthusiastic. Yet, you might still be overlooked.

    My Work History: Then and Now

    I have been working on and off since I was 14 years old. During the summer of 1998, I had my first taste of what a job would be like. I was taking summer classes in the Twin Cities thanks to the generosity of my aunts. They had an amazing friend who worked as a head chef at a hotel near the airport. They were willing to give me a chance at what I can now only describe as something of an internship. Arrangements had been made for me to “work” one day a week. Despite this, I still had to interview with the head chef. I was scared and nervous and excited all at the same time.

    My first official summer job was at the Swift County Recorder’s Office in the summer of 2000. It was an exciting experience, even though the job was simple: scanning documents to be digitized. It gave me more responsibility and a little bit of spending money. I worked so much that I burned through the allotted funds that paid my wages. The following summer, I had a similar job with the county’s Soil and Water Conservation Office. Again, it was a simple job but taught me a lot about responsibility.

    These early jobs weren’t glamorous, but they helped shape my work ethic. I was learning to navigate a world. This world was not designed with me in mind, like it wasn’t for many other young adults with disabilities. According to the National Organization on Disability, workplace biases persist. Inaccessible environments remain. Additionally, a lack of inclusive practices continues to be a major roadblock to employment for disabled individuals.

    Campus Jobs, First Steps, and New Lessons

    The summer after my senior year of high school, I didn’t work. Not because I couldn’t get a job, but because I wanted one last summer of freedom before college. During college, I held a few on-campus jobs. While living in Hutchinson, I worked part-time as a tutor. To be honest, I don’t even remember what subject I tutored. However, I do remember getting a letter from the county about not reporting the $65 I earned. I had no idea I needed to at the time.

    At Augsburg, I had a variety of jobs. I helped the campus LGBTQ+ organization with their website and digital advertising. I was also a tour guide for the admissions office. My focus was often giving tours to prospective students with mobility challenges.

    A Decade of Retail—and Then, the Curtain Closed

    After graduation, I was fortunate to land a temp job with a downtown Minneapolis staffing agency. I was surprised they hired me, but I guess when you’re a temp, they take whoever they can get. That role lasted about eight months, and then I was unemployed again. I submitted many applications back then. It felt like a lot. I rarely heard anything back.

    Eventually, I applied at Best Buy. They had a location at the Mall of America. It was easy for me to get to. I’d never worked retail in my life and barely shopped at Best Buy before. I remember the hiring process. There was a phone interview. Then there was a group interview (my first ever). I felt completely out of place during it. I didn’t say much because I didn’t know what to say. Somehow, I said enough to move on to the final interview and land the job.

    Originally, it was supposed to be a seasonal role, but they decided to keep me on part-time after the holidays. I continued working at Best Buy for nearly 10 years. Over time, I shifted into different departments and eventually landed a full-time position. It was nice having PTO and a consistent paycheck.

    Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last. In the summer of 2018, Best Buy closed that location. I considered applying to the nearby Richfield store and even had a few interviews there, but it felt different. They seemed more hesitant to hire someone with my “unique abilities.” It didn’t work out, but I received a decent severance package and took a much-needed three-month break.

    That hesitation? It mirrors what many disabled workers experience. Too many hiring processes contain a subtle skepticism. There’s a belief that accommodating a disabled employee is more trouble than it’s worth. But data and my own personal experience contradicts that. Studies show that providing accommodations often costs less than $500, and the long-term benefits—employee retention, morale, and diversity—are invaluable.

    I did a training video in 2017 while I was with Best Buy on this exact issue. My general manager and I were featured in a video about workplace accessibility. The video highlighted how simple accommodations can make a huge difference in supporting disabled employees. These include clear communication, flexibility, and simple adjustments to schedules and the layout of an eight-foot section. For example, the management made the point-of-sale terminal more accessible. This change helped me ring out customers in my department.

    All they had to do was remove a section of shelving to lower the register. It didn’t just work for me—it worked for everyone. While the video is now unlisted, it remains one of the proudest accomplishments of my time there and is still featured on my LinkedIn profile as a reminder of what true inclusion can look like in action

    Where I Am Now—and Where I Want to Go

    In the fall of 2018, I landed my current role at U.S. Bank Stadium. I love the staff I work with—it’s a great environment. Things have changed a lot since returning post-COVID, but I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon. That said, hours have been very limited since the pandemic. I need something that provides more financial stability.

    In 2021, I met Amy B., a personal trainer specializing in inclusive fitness. She created Fit with Amy B to provide training for people of all abilities. I improved my own health through her program. She also brought me on to help behind the scenes making everything run smoothly. She saw the benefit of having people with disabilities not only workout with her. They also worked with her to bring greater awareness to healthy living, regardless of your abilities. I truly loved what I did for Amy. I have yet to find another job that offered the same level of flexibility. It also provided fulfillment.

    Unfortunately, SSDI barely covers my monthly expenses. It doesn’t give me the flexibility to do the things I enjoy, like traveling or going out with friends. Living on a fixed income can be incredibly limiting.

    According to the National Organization on Disability, many people with disabilities face financial insecurity. They also encounter systemic bias and physical barriers. These obstacles prevent equal access to job opportunities.

    And yet, studies by Accenture show that companies prioritizing disability inclusion perform well. They are also twice as likely to be innovative.

    The Bigger Picture: You’re Not Just Hearing My Story

    This isn’t just my story. It’s the story of many people in the disability community. They want to work. They are ready to work. They constantly run into walls—both visible and invisible. It’s time to break those walls down.

    Call to Action

    We need employers, policymakers, and communities to step up. Employers must rethink hiring practices to eliminate bias and prioritize inclusion. Lawmakers need to protect Social Security and invest in programs that support people with disabilities, not strip them away. And for those reading this: listen to our stories. Share them. Advocate for change. Because no one should be shut out of opportunity simply because society hasn’t caught up to our potential.

    Sources:

  • The Cost of Loyalty: What It Takes to Be a Season Ticket Holder

    The Cost of Loyalty: What It Takes to Be a Season Ticket Holder

    I wasn’t planning to write this today. I sit here and look out at the dreary Minnesota sky. I know there’s a significant chance I won’t attend tonight’s Minnesota United FC match. I felt like I needed to put some thoughts down.

    Quick note: I’m part of AccessiLoons—Minnesota United FC’s first and only supporter group focused on accessibility and inclusion. However, everything I share here is based on my personal experience. It doesn’t reflect the views of the group.

    This will be the second game I’ve missed this season—and not because I’ve lost interest or stopped caring. Far from it. I’ve been a season ticket holder since 2015. That was long before the team joined MLS and before Allianz Field was even a blueprint. Supporting this team has been one of the most consistent and joyful parts of my life.

    But tonight, like many nights, I’m forced to weigh the realities of being a fan with a disability. The weather is cold, windy, and there’s a chance of rain or snow. And rain and power chairs don’t mix well.

    After last weekend’s afternoon match, my wheelchair started to malfunction on the way home. Thankfully, I made it back safely and the issue didn’t repeat itself—but moments like that stick with you.

    Every time I head out in this type of weather, there’s that voice in the back of my mind:

    • “Is my chair going to malfunction again?”
    • “Will I get stranded somewhere?”
    • “What do I do if something goes wrong?”

    It makes you cautious at times about leaving the house.

    This post isn’t just about one missed game. It’s about what it really takes to be a loyal fan in 2025—financially, physically, and emotionally.

    When Passion Meets Practicality

    I’ve always budgeted for my season tickets. When I was working full time, the yearly price increases didn’t hit as hard. Even during the pandemic, I had enough money coming in to keep my seats. Soccer was one of the few constants during an unpredictable time.

    But when the world reopened, my income didn’t bounce back as ticket prices continued to rise. Something that once felt like a justifiable splurge now feels like a financial stretch.

    Still, giving them up feels impossible. Supporting this team is part of my identity. It’s how I connect with friends. It’s where I feel community. But loyalty, especially on a fixed or limited income, comes with a price—and that price keeps going up.

    Accessibility Isn’t Just About Seats

    Being a fan with a disability adds another layer to all of this.

    Sometimes, I simply can’t attend—even when I want to. The home opener in March is always a weather gamble, and this year was no exception. That was in the evening—and I had just worked an afternoon shift at U.S. Bank Stadium. I was already cold and running low on energy. I didn’t know if I had the stamina—or the body regulation—to sit through the full match.

    As someone with limited mobility, I can’t generate much body heat. Once the sun goes down, so does the temperature—and so does my ability to safely enjoy the game.

    I made it to the match the weekend before because it was an early afternoon kickoff. It was still cold, but the sun made it manageable. That little bit of warmth made all the difference.

    And then after the issues with my wheelchair after last weeks game there’s the added layer of equipment concerns. It was enough to shake my confidence. Now, every time I head out , I have to ask:

    • What if my chair stops working?
    • What if I get stuck far from home?
    • Who do I call?
    • Will anyone be able to help?

    That kind of risk doesn’t factor into most fans’ decisions to attend a match. For disabled fans, it’s part of the mental math every single time.

    To be clear, many of these challenges aren’t unique to Minnesota United or Allianz Field. The stadium staff has generally been supportive, and there are accessible features in place. But even well-designed venues can fall short when the full spectrum of disability isn’t considered. These issues show up in stadiums across the country—and they’re often invisible to those who don’t live with them.

    Some of the most common barriers disabled fans face include:

    • Cold or extreme temperatures that are dangerous for fans with mobility or circulation limitations.
    • The distances from parking or public transit stops are long. They can feel like a marathon for those with fatigue. This is also true for those with chronic pain.
    • Crowded concourses and bottlenecks that create safety issues for wheelchair users and others needing space.
    • Ticket policies with little flexibility, even when health issues make last-minute changes necessary.
    • Energy management challenges—sometimes, it’s not about willpower. It’s about knowing your body has limits.

    The Marketplace Problem

    When I can’t attend, I turn to the SeatGeek Marketplace to resell my tickets. But that experience isn’t fan-friendly either.

    I need to list the tickets above face value to cover SeatGeek’s 10% seller fee. This is necessary to just break even. On top of that, buyers are charged another 10% fee. That’s a 20% markup just for a resale—not to make a profit, just to avoid losing money. And guess what? Most people won’t pay that.

    So now, I’m out the money, and I missed the game. It adds insult to injury.

    Lately, I’ve found myself quietly wondering what the future holds. I’m not ready to give up my season ticket membership yet. However, I’m starting to reevaluate things. The rising costs, the physical strain, the uncertainty that comes with each game—it all adds up.

    At some point, I may have to ask myself whether this version of loyalty is still sustainable for me. I love this team. I’m not going anywhere as a supporter. However, being a season ticket holder might look different down the road.

    Let’s Do Better—for All Fans

    If you work for a team, a supporter group, or even a ticketing platform, ask yourself a question. What are you doing to make sure disabled fans are fully included?

    Accessibility isn’t just about wheelchair spaces or ADA check boxes. It’s about understanding the full picture. This includes weather risks, energy limits, and malfunctioning mobility equipment. Resale policies also matter. Then, there is the emotional toll of being excluded from something you love.

    If you’re not thinking about all types of access, you’re leaving people behind.

  • Holding Onto Love: A Reflection on Loss and Love

    I’m sitting here writing my next story when Wherever You Are by my friend Ellis starts playing in my ears. Just like that, memories flood my mind. They are the people who have passed on and left this world.

    “I’m still here, after I’m gone. In the birds singing their love songs, in the summer sun let me warm your heart. ‘Cause I will always be wherever you are.” – Ellis Delaney

    Three years ago today, my Grandma Marlys Hoiland passed on to whatever is next. These are my thoughts and feelings through the lens of a child, and now an adult. Sometimes, we just need to put words to the emotions we carry. For me, this was one of those times.

    There is just something about grandparents. As a little kid, I feel like I spent a lot of my time with her and my Grandpa Roger. I vaguely remember the Easter Bunny stopping at her house instead of mine. I think we were staying with Grandpa and Grandma. Mom and Dad were gone somewhere.

    One of the coolest things about her? She was a school bus driver. When we went on field trips, there was always a chance she’d be the one behind the wheel. For little me, that was the best thing ever.

    Grandma Marlys standing in the snow next to a yellow school bus with ‘Benson School District 777’ written on the side.

    But when my grandpa Roger passed in the summer of 1994, things changed. I was just a kid—too young to fully understand what was happening, but old enough to feel the shift. I wanted to spend time with my grandma, but I was afraid to ask. The issues the adults in my life had with each other weren’t mine to carry, but they affected me anyway. So I kept my distance because I didn’t want to make things difficult.

    Years later, when I moved to Hutchinson to attend college, I got the chance to reconnect with her. It felt like I was trying to make up for lost time. I made a point to enjoy the moments we had, and to be present. I didn’t bring up the past or the complicated family dynamics—I just wanted to be her grandson.

    Grandma Marlys sitting next to Levi, both wearing glasses, in a cozy living room setting.

    Then life took me to the big city, and time slipped away again. As things settled down at school, I promised myself I’d see her at least once a year. I kept that promise for many years. I was lucky to have an amazing friend. He would drive me the two-and-a-half-hour drive, just so I could spend an hour or so with her. We shared a meal and a laugh.

    Grandma Marlys in a blue hoodie, resting her arm on her Levi's as they sit close together in a warmly lit home setting.

    When she got sick, we all knew time was short. The family planned a birthday party for her, knowing it would be her last. Once again, my friends rallied around me. They drove me back to that small town. This allowed me to be there. I told her I loved her. I told her I was sorry I didn’t do more. I felt it deeply in my heart. I knew it would be the last time I’d get to say what I had been holding onto for years.

    On March 20, 2022, she passed. One final time, my friends stood by me. They drove me to her funeral because they knew—just as I did—that I needed to be there.

    “If you don’t want to, don’t say goodbye. Say I’ll see you around the next time.” – Ellis Delaney

    As a child, I didn’t have control over the choices being made around me. I felt powerless to bridge the gaps that had formed. But as an adult, I can make my own choices.

    I can choose to reach out, to show up, to hold onto the people I love while they’re still here. I can choose not to let the past dictate my present.

    I am not capable of changing what happened, but I can learn from it. And I can make sure that when I look back, I have no regrets about the love I’ve given.

    Love is something we can choose to hold onto, even when time and distance try to pull us apart. It’s in the memories, the laughter, and the simple moments we share.

    I carry my love for Grandma Marlys with me, not just in my heart. It is clear in how I choose to live. I strive to be present. I cherish those I care about. I also never let love go unspoken.

    I can’t change the past. I can only strive to be a better person. I aim to do what I know is right. I want to honor the people I love while I still have time.

    I love you, Grandma Marlys. Always.

    Check out my friend Ellis Delaney and their song Wherever You Are on Bandcamp.

  • LGBTQIA+ Community Under Attack

    LGBTQIA+ Community Under Attack

    The first days of any presidency set the tone for the administration’s priorities. For President Donald Trump’s return to office, that tone has been clear—an outright attack on LGBTQIA+ rights. From executive orders restricting gender identity recognition to questionable leadership appointments, his policies are already harming individuals in my community. As someone who values equality and dignity for all, I cannot stay silent.

    Erasing Gender Identity: A Blow to Trans Rights

    One of Trump’s first executive orders has a controversial title. It is titled Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government. It mandates that all federal documents must reflect an individual’s sex assigned at birth. This effectively strips away recognition and rights for transgender Americans at the federal level.

    The real-world consequences of this policy are devastating. Euphoria star Hunter Schafer recently shared a troubling experience. Her newly issued passport listed her gender as male.

    This happened despite her legal documentation reflecting her gender as female for years. This is not just an inconvenience. It is an erasure of identity. This act could lead to further discrimination or challenges in travel, employment, and everyday life.

    A Culture War in the Arts: The Kennedy Center Controversy

    Trump’s influence extends beyond policy it reaches into the cultural fabric of the nation. Trump appointed Richard Grenell as executive director of the Kennedy Center. This appointment quickly led to Trump’s own placement as chairman of the board.

    Shortly after, the Kennedy Center canceled a Pride performance featuring the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington. The official stance claims the decision preceded Trump’s takeover. It was due to scheduling and financial issues. Skepticism is warranted based on past social media posts by President Trump.

    Trump made a post on his social media platform, Truth Social, on February 7, 2025. This post only fuels doubts about the real motivations behind this decision.

    The message is clear: spaces that once championed inclusiveness and diversity are being reshaped to fit a restrictive, exclusionary agenda. The LGBTQIA+ community is being pushed aside, told that our voices, stories, and identities are no longer welcome.

    What Can We Do?

    Living in Minnesota, a predominantly Democratic-led state, I am fortunate to have leadership that will likely resist these harmful policies. However, that does not mean I can be complacent. National-level attacks require a national response. Here are some ways I—and anyone who shares these concerns—can take action:

    Call and Write to Federal Representatives

    State leadership may resist these policies. However, our federal representatives still play a critical role. Contact senators and members of Congress to demand that they take a stand against these executive orders.

    Support Advocacy Organizations

    Groups like the ACLU, Human Rights Campaign, and National Center for Transgender Equality are fighting these policies. They are taking legal action in court. They are challenging these policies through legal means. Donations, volunteering, and spreading awareness can help them continue their work.

    Amplify Voices of Those Affected

    The stories of transgender individuals and LGBTQIA+ artists being impacted by these policies need to be heard. Sharing their experiences on social media, engaging in discussions, and supporting LGBTQIA+ creators can help push back against this erasure.

    Vote and Encourage Voter Registration

    The 2026 midterm elections will be crucial. Ensuring that pro-equality candidates take office is one of the most effective ways to push back against harmful policies.

    Use My Platform

    Wheels On Down the Road was created to foster open discussion, and now is the time to use it. I can contribute to the national conversation by writing, sharing, and engaging with others. I can also push back against this administration’s regressive agenda.

    Final Thoughts

    The fight for LGBTQIA+ rights is far from over. The setbacks we face today will require resilience. Unity and action are also needed. Trump’s policies attempt to erase identities, silence voices, and dismantle progress. But we are still here. We are still fighting.

    I refuse to let this administration dictate the value of people in my community. Now is the time to stand up, speak out, and take action.

    Sources:

    Trump, D. J. (2025, January 20). Defending women from gender ideology extremism and restoring biological truth to the federal government. The White House. Retrieved from https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/

    Yurcaba, J. (2025, February 10). ‘Euphoria’ star Hunter Schafer issued male passport due to Trump’s policy. NBC News. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/euphoria-star-hunter-schafer-issued-male-passport-rcna193212

    Wilkie, C. (2025, February 12). Kennedy Center cancels Pride performance featuring Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington. The Hill. Retrieved from https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5154147-kennedy-center-cancels-gay-chorus-performance/

    Trump, D. J. (2025, February 7). Post on Truth Social. Retrieved from https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113964959500715895

  • Presidents’ Day and Disability: A Hidden History

    Presidents’ Day and Disability: A Hidden History

    Today’s post is a history lesson, but I hope you find it enlightening rather than dull. It’s Presidents’ Day, a holiday originally created to celebrate George Washington’s birthday on February 22. As the nation grew and elected more presidents, the holiday evolved into a day to honor all U.S. presidents.

    Presidents and Disabilities: A Lesser-Known History

    Since this blog focuses on disability, you might wonder why I’m writing about Presidents’ Day. The reason? Many past U.S. presidents have had disabilities—some visible, some hidden. Growing up, I had dreams of becoming president, thinking I would be the first disabled person to hold the office. However, history proves otherwise.

    One of the most well-known examples is Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR). According to Wikipedia, FDR was elected in 1932 as the 32nd president of the United States. He remains the only physically disabled president in U.S. history. FDR led the country through the Great Depression. He also guided the nation during World War II. He implemented the New Deal and reshaped the American economy.

    Before he moved into the White House, ramps were installed to make it more wheelchair-friendly. To maintain his public image, photos were taken at specific angles to minimize the visibility of his disability.

    FDR’s Disability and Advocacy

    FDR began experiencing symptoms of a paralytic illness in 1921 at age 39 and was later diagnosed with poliomyelitis. He underwent extensive therapy, including hydrotherapy at Warm Springs, Georgia. Although paralyzed from the waist down, he made great efforts to conceal his reliance on a wheelchair and leg braces. In 1938, he founded the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis, which played a crucial role in developing polio vaccines. While most historical records attribute his condition to polio, some modern experts suggest he may have had Guillain–Barré syndrome.

    Disability advocate Hugh Gallagher argued that Roosevelt went to great lengths to appear able-bodied, stating:

    “FDR did not want the public to be aware that he was forced to use a wheelchair.”

    President Roosevelt in his wheelchair on the porch at Top Cottage in Hyde Park, NY with Ruthie Bie and Fala. February 1941.
    FDR Presidential Library & Museum photograph by Margaret Suckley CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

    In contrast, historian James Tobin suggested that Roosevelt used his disability as a strength. He portrayed himself as a fighter and an underdog. He did this rather than becoming someone to pity.

    In one of his rare public acknowledgments of his disability, Roosevelt addressed Congress on March 1, 1945, just a month before his death:

    “I hope that you will pardon me for this unusual posture of sitting down, but I know you will realize that it makes it a lot easier for me not to have to carry about ten pounds of steel around on the bottom of my legs.”

    Franklin Roosevelt is depicted in his wheelchair in the Prologue Room of the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial National Park Service photo

    Designing an Inclusive Legacy: The FDR Memorial

    Even after his passing, the National Park Service ensured his memorial was accessible. According to NPS, landscape architect Lawrence Halprin designed the FDR Memorial with wheelchair ramps. He incorporated interactive statues and Braille engravings. These features made it accessible long before the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was enacted.

    Other Presidents with Disabilities

    FDR was not the only president with a disability. According to United Rehabilitation Services of Greater Dayton, many U.S. presidents had disabilities, ranging from epilepsy to learning disabilities. Here are a few:

    • George Washington (1st President, 1789-1797): Believed to have had a learning disability due to struggles with spelling and grammar.
    • Thomas Jefferson (3rd President, 1801-1809): Reportedly had a learning disability despite being a principal author of the Declaration of Independence.
    • James Madison (4th President, 1809-1817): Had epilepsy but played a key role in drafting the U.S. Constitution.
    • Abraham Lincoln (16th President, 1861-1865): Battled severe depression and possibly had Marfan Syndrome.
    • Theodore Roosevelt (26th President, 1901-1909): Suffered from visual impairment due to a boxing injury.
    • Woodrow Wilson (28th President, 1913-1921): Had a learning disability, possibly dyslexia, and suffered a stroke while in office.
    • John F. Kennedy (35th President, 1961-1963): Experienced chronic back pain and is suspected to have had a learning disability.
    • Ronald Reagan (40th President, 1981-1989): Developed hearing impairment due to an on-set accident during his acting career.
    • Bill Clinton (42nd President, 1993-2001): Has high-frequency hearing loss and wears hearing aids.

    A Legacy of Strength and Resilience

    Throughout American history, presidents with disabilities have faced unique challenges, yet they persevered to lead the nation. Their stories highlight the importance of resilience and show that disabilities do not define a person’s potential.

    This Presidents’ Day, as we honor the leaders of our country, let’s also recognize the barriers they overcame. Disability should never be seen as a limitation—it is simply one aspect of the diverse experiences that shape great leaders.

  • Help Wanted?

    Help Wanted?

    “Do you need help?”

    This is a question that many people with disabilities, including myself, face daily. While it is often asked with good intentions, it can be an awkward or even frustrating experience for both the person offering assistance and the one being asked.

    Understanding the Context

    I recognize that offers of help usually stem from a place of kindness. In most situations, I will either accept the assistance or politely decline. However, the decision is rarely a simple one. Various factors influence how I respond.

    Take, for example, the buttons that automatically open doors. When I am out with my service dog, I typically decline offers from others to open doors for me. The reason is straightforward. My dog is trained to perform that task. If people frequently intervene, he may start to expect others to do it for him.

    That does not mean I refuse all forms of assistance. If someone is already holding the door open as they walk through, I will pass through as well. I have also observed this: many people find it fascinating to watch a service dog. They enjoy seeing it complete tasks it has been trained to do.

    On the other hand, there are situations where assistance is both welcome and necessary. For instance, if something is out of my reach like an object on a high shelf I appreciate the help.

    One particular instance stands out: while walking my dog, he once relieved himself just beyond my safe grasp. Despite my best efforts, I could not reach the mess. A businessman in a three-piece suit walked past, saw my struggle, and offered to help. I gratefully accepted because I understood the physical exertion required to complete the task on my own.

    Individual Perspectives Vary

    It is important to recognize that not all disabled individuals feel the same way about receiving help. Some welcome assistance, while others strongly prefer independence. I have encountered individuals who become frustrated or even angry when assistance is offered. This reaction may stem from viewing help as a sign of weakness. They may also be newly disabled and still adjusting to their limitations.

    How Can You Help?

    People often ask me what they should do in these situations, but there is no universal answer. The best approach is simple: ask. If someone accepts your help, that is wonderful. If they decline or appear irritated by the offer, do not take it personally. More often than not, their reaction is based on their personal experiences rather than a reflection of you.

    What You Should NOT Do

    One crucial rule to remember is never assume someone needs help and act without asking. Walking up and intervening without permission can be disruptive, and in some cases, dangerous. For example, when I transfer from my wheelchair, balance is critical. If someone were to assist me without warning, they could unintentionally cause me to lose balance. This action might lead to a fall, putting both of us at risk.

    Conclusion

    Offering help is a kind and thoughtful gesture, but it must be done with consideration and respect. The best way to assist someone with a disability is to ask first and accept their response without judgment. Understanding that every individual has different needs and preferences will create a more inclusive and respectful environment for everyone.

    So, the next time you see someone who needs help, remember: a simple question—“Would you like some assistance?”—can go a long way in fostering understanding and respect.

  • An Invitation to the Table

    An Invitation to the Table

    Last week, I found myself at a local coffee shop, seated at one of the accessible tables. My belongings were spread out, coffee in hand, ready to tackle some work. The table bore a small marker—a symbol indicating it was designated for wheelchair users like me. But as I sat there, I began to ponder the true meaning of that symbol.

    The purpose of such designations is to ensure that people with disabilities have a space where they can comfortably work, eat, or simply exist in a public setting. It is an acknowledgment that accessibility matters. But here’s the thing: while the table may be designed with accessibility in mind, it is not a table just for me. It is a table for anyone who needs it.

    If someone had approached me and asked, “Can I sit here too?” my answer would have been a resounding yes. Because that table, while accessible, is not exclusive. It is a space for anyone—a place to rest, to gather thoughts, to work, or simply to breathe.

    I think about all the possibilities that table represents. It could be a refuge for someone needing a break from the rush of the day, setting down their burdens alongside their coffee cup. It could be a haven for a book lover, lost in a story. Or maybe it is where a casual conversation begins, sparked by the big, goofy yellow dog lying quietly beneath the table, tail wagging at the possibility of a friendly pet.

    We live in a world where our focus is often directed inward—our own lives, our own struggles. We sometimes forget to notice the people sitting just a few feet away. Too often, we see others as strangers, obstacles, or distractions instead of potential connections.

    But what if we shifted our perspective? What if we saw spaces like that accessible table not as individual territories, but as shared places, open to all? What if we recognized them as opportunities to connect?

    I believe we need more moments where we simply sit together, whether to chat or to exist quietly in each other’s company. There is something powerful about being present with another person, even if only for a short while.

    So, if you ever see me at a table like that, do not hesitate. Walk up, meet my eyes, and ask, “Can I sit here too?” And I will say yes, gladly inviting you to share the space. Because at the end of the day, that table is not just for me—it is for anyone who needs it.

    Maybe we will talk about life, about our mutual love for this coffee shop, or about the silly antics of our dogs. Or maybe we will simply sit in silence, each focused on our own tasks, comforted by the presence of another person nearby.

    In a world that often feels isolating, taking a seat at the table might just be the first step toward creating a little more connection, understanding, and community.